|
|
Friday night saw me cruising down the M1 in
a dis-used shopping trolley, locating the best site for a road-side
picnic with my good friend Psycho Jen. In the past my other
companions have been tragically stricken with carbon monoxide
poisoning, food poisoning, hedgehog fights and tarmac burns- so
it was just me and her who organised Saturday morning’s
spectacular ‘March for Freedom’. We were joined by many
enthusiastic people dressed as pumpkins, tomatoes and green beans,
not to mention a few blokes in very attractive shiny pink frocks
and black feather-boas, stiletto heels and too much make-up. This
was in aid of the ‘Freedom to Dress as Green Vegetables
March’. The transvestites were with someone else, but I did
hear, in a similar vein, that this year several leading fashion
designers have done fascinating things in dress, so what? So have
I.
On Sunday I leant my charitable ear to such
worthy causes as the cruelty to mal-treated bin liners society (with
counselling programs set up) and the ‘Frogathon’, where
fundraisers did what they do best: sleeping, drinking and eating
flies- frog fashion, just for fun. I also received an outcry- oh,
and a signed packet of prawn cocktail flavoured crisps from the
RSPCA- for our use of a lemming as a sink plunger. And to them we’d
like to say: “Ha ha, tough luck, we thought of it first!”
Talking of things that suck (Psycho Jen has
covered many), the Spice Girls and other girl bands are one that
should be added to the list, I feel. I carried out a thoroughly
illegal and inhumane experiment that involved locking someone in
a smelly cupboard with a CD player and a girl band disc for
company. On the second night he told me he was in love with the
walls. On the third he was calling himself Tony Blair-
which may or may not have been true. On the fourth night he
started making himself a large wig from his imaginary ball of
string. On the fifth night he’d decided he was in fact a
woodlouse. Since then his condition has deteriorated and he has
become a devotee of girl bands.
Now… the answers to the quiz I never
set you:
Question 1: The answers is yes, you pull it
Question 2: Was of course, Uranus
Question 3: Suck it and see
Question4: Shoot the caterpillar and ask
questions later
And those of you who answered question five
were just being silly.
That’s all from Twisted Tim for now, if
you liked what you read or feel a strong urge to respond, post a
comment on the message board to Tim, who will be delighted to
read your thoughts.
